jokes christmas

 

What’s white and goes up?
A confused snowflake!

What do you call an old snowman?
Water!

What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!




What goes: now you see me, now you don’t, now you see me, now you don’t?
A snowman on a zebra crossing!

What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

What goes “oh, oh, oh”?
Santa walking backwards!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use – I’ve forgotten my name again!

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ho ho ho!

When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary!

What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas one has no L (noel)!

What do you have in December that’s not in any other month?
The letter D!

'Why is it always cold at Christmas?
Because it’s in Decemberrrr!

What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?
Silent Night!

What’s impossible to overtake at Christmas?
The three wide men!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!

How does a snowman lose weight?
He waits for the weather to get warmer!

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted flakes!

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Can you smell carrot?

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snow ball!

How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
Only one, after that it’s not empty any more!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitus!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep and crisp and even!

What carol is heard in the dessert?
Camel ye fathful!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells, jungle bells!

What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
Sandy claws!

What is Santa’s dog called?
Santa Paws!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws!

What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a detective?
Santa Clues!

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when the fire is lit?
Crisp Cringle!

What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn’t move?
Santa Pause!

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A merry Christmas to ewe!

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple!

What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
Neither, candles always burn shorter!

Why are turkeys wiser than chickens?
Ever heard of Kentucky Fried Turkey?

What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar at Christmas?
He got 12 months!

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic!

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop needles!

What often falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
Snow!

What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you can’t beat it!